Please Pass the Potatoes

We all know the old saying that if we want to make God laugh, tell Him your life plan.

If you haven’t yet read the popular book “The Five People You Meet In Heaven” by Mitch Albom, I highly advise that you pick up a copy. Whether you are religious or not, it is a heart-warming story which ponders the idea that the people we come in contact with during our time on earth, doesn’t just happen by chance. That perhaps the people we meet during our lives is actually a pre-planned map by a much higher power.

When I moved to Sag Harbor, NY in the 8th grade, it was really hard being the new girl in school. Meeting friends during the height of my “gawk,” was not the easiest of tasks, until one day fate stepped in. Mr. Bausman, my junior high biology teacher randomly assigned me a seat next to who I thought was the scariest girl in school. Let’s just call her S.G. She was tough, had attitude, and could hit a 3-pointer better then Michael Jordan. Now twenty years later, I believe that that assigned seat was just part of my plan in leading me to one of my closest friends. And who knew that back then at thirteen years old, that we would still be dissecting frogs together twenty years later.

I always think about my close friend Crume too from college, and how we met. I was transferring to Wake Forest my sophomore year and had to find a roommate to live with off-campus. The transfer office at Wake had given me a list of other transferring students to possibly match up with. So, one night I randomly start calling the list one by one. All the numbers were busy or nobody answered, except for Crume’s. To this day, when I think about how close Crume and I are, I always wonder what if I never got her on the phone first that night? Would we have still met?

And then there was the infamous Moles, another Wake transfer student who happened to be looking for housing as well. The funny thing about “the Moles” is that when I first met her I said, “No way am I living with her!” She was way too laid back for me, MESSY, and talked more than I did if you can believe it. Plus, what kind of a name was Moley anyway? The two of us couldn’t have been more polar opposites, but during our senior year of college, “Jaims and Moles” were a force to be reckoned with. In addition to many laughs, and crazy times at the China Buffet, we took care of each other. There was a genuine compassion that made us very much like sisters. I felt proud to later serve as her maid of honor and Godmother to her first born.

The reason I bring up these three specific close friendships of mine is because all three of these amazing women are in very different places in their lives then I am now. All three are now married, with children, and conduct a very different daily lifestyle than I do as a single person. Although I try desperately to listen to our conversations and attempt to find continuous common ground, it is not always easy. And what I am finding out over time is that sometimes those differences can cause relationships to change (good and bad), or just become “different.” What you have to ask yourself as close friendships change is, “Can you still find that common place that makes the friendship work?" In addition, it has to be an equal relationship. A one-sided friendship will only lead to no friendship at all.

As careers and families grow, it’s part of life that our plates end up with double servings, and that can cause friendships to go through highs and lows, or even fizzle out. And whether “married with children people” believe it or not, single people have just as much hustle and bustle in our daily lives, we just fill our plates with different commitments.

As a single person in my thirties, I accept the fact that one day when I get married or have a child that many of those people’s weddings I went to in my twenties, or babies I went to visit as a single person won’t be reciprocated because at that point, their families will be even larger, and organizing their “extra servings” with regard to travel and finances, will become an even bigger issue then it is now. It is my hope though that the friendships which mean the most can accept the differences in their respective lives and find an equal balance so that they can continue to enjoy the reasons why they were placed in each other’s paths to begin with.