Blind Dating vs. Chinese Water Torture

Back in my 20’s while living in NYC, a very close family member had set me up on a blind date with an attorney who worked at a prestigious law firm downtown. On paper he was perfect. He was 29, attended Georgetown undergrad and received his law degree from Columbia. It appeared that he was already well established, seeing as he owned an amazing loft in the Meatpacking District, and a summer cottage in the Hamptons. We had spoken several times on the phone before meeting one night at a lovely little restaurant in the East Village called the Miracle Grill. He told me he would be wearing a blue pinstriped suit and had short brown hair. And, of course as with any date, I kept my fingers crossed that maybe this one had potential.

Upon arriving at the restaurant I checked my coat and looked around for “my date.” There was nobody at the bar. The restaurant was quiet. I then felt this tiny tap on my shoulder. I turned around to find a man, a very little man (probably about 4’8) staring up at me. HE was wearing a blue pinstriped suit. HE had short brown hair (with the comb-over). Yup, it was “my date.” Figures.

As he asked if it was me, I couldn’t respond. All I could think of, was I in Oz? Or, did Tattoo come back to take me on “De Plane” to Fantasy Island? Overall, putting aside the major height difference ~ (I am about 5’7), the date was a complete disaster. He presented with serious Napoleon’s Complex. He was beyond arrogant and proceeded to boss around the waitstaff the entire evening. As a former waitress myself, I was utterly humiliated and couldn’t wait for the evening to end. Finally, around eleven o’clock he paid the bill and we parted ways. On the way home in the cab I found myself frustrated and almost in tears thinking: Blind dating? Or Chinese water torture? Is there really a difference?

In today’s world of internet dating, or unless you were married before the age of twenty-five, about ninety percent of the female population will at some point experience the blind date. I’ve heard stories of all contents:

He was cross-eyed and wore a fanny pack.

He lived with ten cats.

He just “forgot his wallet.”

He asked you how much you paid in rent (A very common conversation in NYC).

He showed up three sheets to the wind (or you did).

He had a problem controlling his flatulence.

He didn’t believe in cable (HELLO!!).

He was married, but it was okay, because he and his wife had an “open” relationship.

He just wanted to get laid. Or, to be completely fair to the man, perhaps you did too.

Drip… Drip… Drip…

Putting aside all unfortunate blind date experiences, we need to look at blind dating in another manner. First of all, we have to realize that as we single women get older, our inner dating pool begins to shrink. Not only do we know all our friends, but we begin to know all our friend’s friends. And unless you have already been paired off, you need to open up your peripheral vision and look outside the box. You need to consider alternative circles. Although difficult and yes, sometimes painful, I do believe one of the greatest ways to begin this extension is through blind dating.

Last year I moved to Chicago without knowing a soul. Having never done online dating before, I decided to sign up on eHarmony as a means of meeting people in my new city. Within a six-month period, I probably went on over forty dates. I’m not going to lie, it was grueling at times. It just seemed like one bomb after another, but there was ONE. His name was Sam and he gave me a reason to believe in blind dating.

Sam was ten years older than me, recently divorced, and had two young children. At that point in my life, those were three things I would have never considered getting involved with. I felt that at age thirty-one, I could still find someone closer in age, who had never been married, and without children yet, like myself. Well, as apprehensive as I was, on a snowy, blizzard-like afternoon in Chicago, we both randomly decided to skip work one day and meet at a nearby coffee shop.

That afternoon, when arriving at the coffee shop, I brushed the snow out of my wind-blown hair, and pulled my knit hat up from over my eyes. It was at that moment, I saw this amazing, beautiful man smiling at me from the back of the room. With his intoxicating grin and gorgeous blue eyes, this stranger came over to greet me with the warmest bear hug anyone could imagine. And well, in the words of Jerry McGuire’s Dorothy Boyd, “He had me at hello.”

The afternoon of coffee, lead to an evening of sushi and wine, and to the most amazing goodbye kiss I had ever experienced with a man I hardly knew. HE was different. HE allowed me to forget about all the crappy relationships and blind dates I had ever had. Our little romance only lasted a few weeks, but what I took away from that experience was life changing. I was able to believe in the possibility of random encounters and that things really do happen “when you least expect it.”

We have to remember that dating is a numbers game and the only way we are going to win is to get out there! Whether it be meeting people through friends, at work, or online, we have to up our numbers. And blind dating is just one of the many ways we can do that. No matter how torturous the anticipation of a blind date may be (or the date itself), like Chinese water torture, the dripping of the water may feel at the moment like it is driving you insane, but after the dripping has stopped, it leaves no external scars. If it doesn’t workout, all you can gain is the experience of meeting someone new and possibly a great story.

AND, there is nothing wrong with that.

(This blog was inspired by a very funny girl from Long Island – Thanks K.M.)

PLEASE send your blind date stories to me at my email: singlecitygal@gmail.com


(Copyright jk/ssg'08)